No more lurking in the depths. It’s time to release the menacing legend (yours). Gear up with the exclusive merch of the legendary KRAQEN, master its mythical skills and become the feared titan of every pool party.
The titan among swimwear. Trunks that earn respect even among Ibiza party-goers. Precisely tailored. Legendarily stylish. Divinely comfortable.
Designed exclusively for 2 (or 3) lower tentacles. Available in 2 distinct styles.
sPacific - sPacifically tailored to give enough room for your tentacle(s).
Suction cups of attention - distinctive design and seductive tentacle curves ensure no gaze will escape the visual grip of the trunks.
Synthetic KRAQEN skin - decreases resistance when catching prey and allows you to slip by ANY hot dog queue you may encounter on your adventures (not tested on PS5 queues).
Neptun’s chamber of secrets - the biggest secrets go to the back pocket. Always. Tested. Re-tested. Everything fits.
Aquaman’s musk - so intoxicating it made Amber forget she lost in court.
Octobelt - our handy lacing system lets you tighten or loosen up in milliseconds. Full control over your KRAQEN. Release it or keep it hidden from the curious eyes.
Extra perk - Membership in the secret “we hate pants" club.
A mythical fashion item. Tested for months on the most hardcore of gamers (every single one of them looked hardcore in it). Shiny as your future. Soft as Neptune’s beard. Cool 100% cotton. With a ritual KRAQEN patch for a calmer mind and a written legend on your back. Get used to being called sexy - you’re gonna hear it a lot.
Cool down system - bright 100% cotton cools down even the hottest of HOT things that hide under it (duh, your body).
Reflective aura - reflects even the strongest of sun rays and allows KRAQEN to move freely among the prey, allowing it to move outside the natural habitat of its dark and mysterious gaming liar. Leave enemies paralyzed and fish mesmerized.
Super soft enzymatic finish - even the hardest of titans needs a soft touch. Angelically soft, yet firm like the chest of the mythical Siren.
KRAQEN patch™ - circle your finger counter-clockwise and repeat “The beast from the deep is no longer asleep” to bestow the much-needed calm and focus before the battle (the placement on your nipple is purely coincidental).
Titan fit™ - custom-engineered from your feedback. Developed to fit every Legend (yeah, we’re looking at YOU).
Legendary backup - a legend inscribed on the back, so you always precede your reputation, and not the other way around.
Extra perk - Respect of Moby-Dick (you can call him bro now).
Take the concept of dryness to a new dimension. Extra absorbent. Extra comfy. Soft and smooth like the embrace of a mermaid. The only thing that will leave you high and dry and you’ll enjoy it. Custom made with inverse stitching. Just flip it over and change the mood.
Extra absorbent - if you believe the legends, it is so absorbent that it can absorb the soul of your partner’s best friend. But these are still uncharted waters for us.
A pirate’s noose - used to ambush the enemy and pull them by their little finger or other small organs. It can also be used to hang the towel.
Medium-length hair - experience the most gentle treatment for your divine skin. Any longer, the hair could allow for solid headbanging at a metal concert.
The scent of all seas - we hope you can smell it. We haven’t been laying the towel on various cliffs near the oceans for the past few months for nothing, have we?
100% cotton - because no one wants to unleash the fury of KRAQEN by polluting the pure waves of cotton fibers with plastic.
Smile wiper system™ - allows you to wipe the smile off your enemy's face with ease. Some may even say easy-sea-breezy.
Extra perk - Opportunity to run a university course on “Absorption of Water by Various Materials”
